Relationship Therapy for Men · Opening Up

Emotionally Unavailable?

For men who feel a lot but struggle to put it into words, and want to feel closer to the people they love.

You're not cold. You were never shown how.

Many men grow up learning to handle feelings by keeping them in: stay calm, don't make a fuss, deal with it alone. It works, until a partner says they can't reach you, or you realise you feel far away from the people closest to you and don't know how to close the gap.

I'm Aditya Kumar, a counselling psychologist. I work with men who want to understand their emotions, express them in their own way, and stay connected when things get hard. This is part of my relationship work with men.

Does this sound familiar?

"You're so hard to read"

Your partner says you seem cold, distant or closed off, even when you care deeply.

Going blank

You feel a lot inside, but when someone asks how you feel, the words just aren't there.

Shutting down in conflict

When things get emotional you go quiet, leave the room, or wait for it to pass.

Deflecting with humour or work

Joking it off, changing the subject, or staying busy so you don't have to go there.

"Boys don't cry"

Growing up where showing feelings meant being weak, and still hearing that voice today.

Pulling back when it gets close

Things start well, then closeness feels like pressure and you create distance.

What we work on

  • Noticing feelings: catching emotions in your body before they turn into shutting down or snapping
  • Finding the words: building an emotional vocabulary that feels natural to you
  • Staying present: skills to stay in hard conversations instead of leaving
  • Understanding why: what you learned growing up about feelings and closeness
  • Sharing with your partner: small, safe ways to let them in

If talking isn't easy, we can use somatic and art-based methods alongside conversation.

A simple place to start

Putting a name to a feeling is often the hardest step, and the most powerful. The free Decode Your Emotions tool walks you from a surface feeling, like "angry" or "fine", to what's underneath it.

If emotions mostly come out as anger, see anger in relationships. If closeness itself makes you anxious, see relationship anxiety.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does "emotionally unavailable" actually mean?
It usually describes someone who finds it hard to share feelings, be vulnerable, or stay connected when things get emotional. It isn't a fixed trait or a diagnosis. For most men it's a learned way of protecting themselves, and it can change.
I don't really know what I feel. Can counselling still help?
Yes, that's often where we start. Many men were never taught to notice or name emotions. We build that step by step, using practical tools rather than expecting you to pour your heart out on day one.
What if talking about feelings just isn't me?
That's okay. Sessions don't have to be all talking. We can use structured exercises, somatic awareness, and art-based methods that make it easier to get to what's going on inside.
Will this help my relationship?
Usually, yes. When you can tell your partner what you're feeling and stay present in hard conversations, conflict tends to ease and closeness grows. Your partner doesn't need to attend for this to happen.
How long does it take to open up?
There's no fixed timeline. Many men notice small changes, like naming a feeling in the moment or staying in a hard conversation a little longer, within the first few weeks. We go at your pace.
Are sessions online or in Bangalore?
Both: in person in Bangalore and online across India. Fees, including a student sliding scale, are on the booking page. See current fees →
All relationship concernsBreakup counsellingMarriage problemsAnger in relationshipsAfter infidelityTrust & jealousyRelationship anxietyPre-marriage pressure

Note: If you're feeling overwhelmed or having thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out now: call Tele-MANAS on 14416 (free, 24/7) or emergency services on 112. Counselling is not a substitute for crisis support.

Let the people you love in

Book an individual session online or in Bangalore. If you'd like to ask something first, send me a message.

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